Bath

A bath is a large container of water in which a person sits until they are clean or the water is cold, whichever comes first. Studies suggest it is usually the second.^[1]

It is the only piece of household equipment that is filled, emptied and then scrubbed more thoroughly than the person who used it.

Filling

A bath is filled from two taps, one hot and one cold, which are turned on together in the hope that they will reach an agreement. They do not. The correct temperature is achieved for approximately four seconds, during which the bather is usually in another room looking for a towel.^[2]

The ideal depth is deeper than a puddle and deep enough to cover either the knees or the shoulders, but never both at once. This is because every bath, by long tradition, is slightly shorter than whoever is in it.

Displacement

When a person gets into a bath, the water level rises by exactly the volume of the person, and then by a little more over the side. The Greek mathematician Archimedes is said to have noticed this in the bath, according to a story first written down about two centuries later, which historians treat with the same caution as the water on the floor.^[3]

Rivalry with the shower

Supporters of the shower point out that it uses less water. Supporters of the bath point out that nobody has ever read a book in a shower, and have the wrinkled paperbacks to prove it.

See also

• Water – what a bath is mostly for
• Puddle – a bath with no sides
• Empty glass – a very small bath, already drained

References

1. Suds, S. (1992). Whichever Comes First. Lather Press.
2. Plug, P. (2015). Hot, Then Cold. Tap Books. p. 4.
3. Overflow, O. (2003). “A Bit Over the Side”. Bathroom Studies, 7: 3.