Stilts

Stilts are a pair of poles that allow a person to be taller than they are. The extra height is on loan and must be returned at the end of the day, usually by sitting down on a wall very carefully.^[1]

A person on stilts knows how tall they are by knowing how far away the ground is. Since the ground is now further away than usual, they conclude that they have grown, a deduction that has never once been wrong.^[2]

Height

Stilts add anything from 30 centimetres to 4 metres to a person, depending on the stilts and on the person's nerve. Above 4 metres the wearer is legally considered a structure and needs planning permission to stand still.^[2]

Stilts always come in pairs. A single stilt is not half as tall; it is a pogo stick that has lost its sense of humour.

Getting down

There are two recognised methods of getting off stilts: deliberately and otherwise. A 2011 survey of experienced stilt-walkers found that 98% preferred the first method. The remaining 2% were interviewed from inside a nearby hedge, and said it was fine, really.^[3]

Uses

• Crossing marshland: shepherds in the Landes region of France once watched their flocks from stilts. The sheep were not consulted.
• Parades, where one tall person makes it possible for everyone behind them to see another tall person.
• Reaching high shelves, as an alternative to a staircase that comes with you.
• Picking fruit, which is quicker on stilts and much slower afterwards, when it is time to collect the fruit from the ground.

See also

• Staircase – height, but in instalments
• Mountain – has never taken them off

References

1. Lanky, L. (2003). Up Here. Lofty Press. p. 400.
2. Planning Council of Tall Things (1998). “Is a Person a Building?” Decision deferred.
3. Hedge, H. (2011). “Deliberately and Otherwise”. Journal of Short Descents, 2: 98.