Envelope

An envelope is a piece of paper folded around another piece of paper, so that the second piece of paper cannot see out.^[1]

Envelopes are closed with a sticky flap that is licked once and never again. They then travel, often a long way, to be opened in under a second by someone standing on a doormat.

Front and back

The front of an envelope carries the address. The back carries calculations, because the front was taken. A 2012 review found that more important sums have been worked out on the back of envelopes than on any other surface, with the possible exception of napkins, which are still being reviewed.^[2]

An envelope with a window in it lets the address see out while the rest of the letter is kept in the dark. The letter has not been told.

Pushing the envelope

To “push the envelope” means to try something bolder than before. Inspectors visiting offices where the envelope was said to be pushed found that every envelope present was stationary, which, as several of them pointed out, is the same as stationery.^[3]

Opening

Envelopes are opened from whichever edge tears first, which is the wrong one. Special letter openers exist, and are kept in a drawer, where they are found shortly after the envelope has been opened with a thumb.

See also

• Drawer – where the letter opener is
• Doormat – where envelopes land
• Printing press – for when one letter is not enough
• Invention of paper – where envelopes start
• Paperclip – what keeps the papers together until the envelope arrives
• Transatlantic telegraph cable – a much longer envelope

References

1. Flapp, G. (2012). Sums on the Back. Gum Press. p. 2.
2. Post, M. (1999). Folded Around. Sealed Books.
3. Stamp, R. (n.d.). “Is It Moving?” Stationery Review. It was not.