Moss

Moss is a small, soft green plant that grows on rocks, walls, roofs and anything else that has stood still for long enough. It has no flowers, no seeds and no proper roots, and has spent around 400 million years being perfectly fine about it.^[1]

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Moss is said to grow on the north side of trees, allowing lost walkers to find north. Moss, in turn, finds the north side of a tree by growing on it; whichever side it grows on is therefore north. This has produced a number of trees with four north sides, and a number of walkers who have been heading north for some time.^[2]

Growth

Moss grows a few millimetres a year. This is too slow to watch, but exactly fast enough to notice on a step you have been meaning to clean since the spring.

Rolling stones

The proverb “a rolling stone gathers no moss” was tested between 1974 and 1980 by rolling a boulder continuously around a field. It gathered no moss. The control boulder, which was left alone, gathered moss, a small snail and a bench.

The results were published in a report which has since been left in a drawer, where it is gathering moss, confirming the theory from the other side.

Uses

• Making stones look older.
• Making gardens look softer.
• Making roofs look like they need someone to come round.
• Pointing north (disputed, see above).

See also

• Boulder – a reliable host
• Rock (rock)
• Tree – which side is north is up to the moss
• Tardigrade – its usual address

References

1. Lichen, L. (2004). Slowly, On a Rock. Damp Books.
2. Bryophyte Rolling Committee (1980). “Final Report on the Boulder”. Now covered in moss.