Hedgehog

The hedgehog is a small, spiny mammal found in gardens, hedgerows and the bottom of compost heaps. Despite its name it is not a hedge, and it is not a hog. A 1988 audit of animal names found “hedgehog” to be 0% accurate, a score it shares with the seahorse and is said to be quite sensitive about.^[1]

An adult hedgehog has between 5,000 and 7,000 spines. The range is so wide because the hedgehog will not keep still while being counted, and because the counters will not keep holding it.

Defence

When threatened, a hedgehog rolls into a tight ball and waits for the problem to lose interest. This is the same technique used by people at parties when asked to help move a sofa, and is about as successful.^[2]

Hibernation

Hedgehogs hibernate through the winter. Before doing so, they eat as much as they can, find a pile of leaves and fall asleep for several months, in what zoologists call hibernation and everyone else calls the dream.

Terminology

• A baby hedgehog is a hoglet, which is no more pig than its parent.
• A group of hedgehogs is sometimes called a prickle, a name chosen after consulting everyone who had tried to pick one up.
• A hedgehog that has rolled up is still a hedgehog, though this is harder to prove.

See also

• Seahorse – a fellow 0% scorer
• Cactus – spiny, but cannot roll up
• Sloth – also good at waiting

References

1. Bristle, B. (1988). An Audit of Animal Names. Spine Books.
2. Leaf, H. (2004). “The Ball Strategy”. Garden Mammal Review 7: 9.
3. Prickle, P. (n.d.). Counting Hedgehogs, Again. Unfinished.