Pear

A pear is a fruit shaped like a pear. It is the only fruit to have given its name to both a shape and a direction in which plans can go.^[1]

Pears are ripe for approximately eleven minutes. Before this a pear is a doorstop; after this it is a soup.

Ripeness

The Pear Ripeness Window was first measured in 1911 by orchard staff watching a single pear in shifts. It ripened during the changeover. A second attempt in 1912 had two people watch the pear at the same time; it ripened while they were looking at each other.^[2]

Modern research recommends checking a pear by pressing gently near the stalk. Pears checked in this way are found to be not ready, not ready, not ready and finished.

Pears are traditionally given as gifts in a bowl, where they spend their eleven ripe minutes being admired by nobody.

Shape

Pears are wider at the bottom than at the top, which would allow them to stand upright. They have never been observed to do so on purpose.

Rival theories

The Seated School holds that a pear is an apple that has sat down. The Teardrop School holds that it is an apple that is upset about something. Both schools agree that a pear is not an apple, which was confirmed in 1958 by asking the apple.^[3]

See also

• Apple – a pear that stood up
• Banana – ripens on a more generous schedule
• Tomato – another fruit with an identity question

References

1. Conference, C. (1911). Watching a Pear. Orchard Press. Shifts 1–3.
2. Comice, A. (1912). “It Happened Again”. Journal of Fruit Timing 4: 1.
3. Williams, B. (1958). “Interview With an Apple”. Unpublished.