List of things that are loud

This is a list of things that are loud. It was compiled by the committee responsible for the list of things that are quiet, who wanted to see what the other side was like. They worked in a library, and were asked to leave after item two.^[1]

A thing is officially loud when it is louder than the thing you were trying to listen to instead.^[2]

The list

• Thunder, which arrives after lightning to explain what just happened.
• A saucepan lid dropped at 3 a.m., which is measurably louder than the same lid dropped at 3 p.m.
• A crisp packet in a cinema, particularly when opened slowly in order to be quiet.
• Item 4 (withheld; too loud to write down).
• A smoke alarm with a low battery, which chirps once every 40 seconds from a location that cannot be determined by science.
• Whispering “is everyone asleep?”
• A toaster at the moment it finishes, every single time, as if for the first time.

Disputed entries

The ocean was disputed for several years, since it is loud at the edge and quiet in the middle and the committee could not agree which bit counted. Under the compromise, the edge appears on this list and the middle on the quiet one, where it is described as “mostly fine”.^[3]

See also

• List of things that are quiet – the other list
• Echo – a loud thing, again
• Thunder
• Bubble wrap – when popped, one bubble at a time
• Happy Birthday to You – sung, usually slightly out of time
• Laugh track – a recorded audience, at all times
• Wilhelm scream – the most reused entry

References

1. Racket, R. (2011). PARDON? Uproar Press. pp. 1–?
2. Din, D. (2019). “Louder Than What You Were Listening To”. Acoustic Grumbles 7.
3. Clatter, C. & Hush, H. (2021). “Half an Ocean Each: A Compromise”. Committee minutes (shouted).