List of things that are quiet

This is a list of things that are quiet. Entries are measured in Shushes. One Shush is the sound of a person asking a room to be quiet, which makes the unit of quietness the loudest thing on the list.^[1]

Measurement

Quietness was first measured in 1931 by Professor Hush, who placed a microphone in an empty room and recorded nothing for nine hours. The recording was played to a conference of acousticians, who agreed it was the finest nothing ever captured and gave it a standing ovation, which is now the only part of the tape anyone can hear.^[2]

List

• Snow, falling. Holds the record, and has never once mentioned it.
• Fog. Quiet itself, and makes everything else quieter as a favour.
• A pebble. Has not made a sound since the Ice Age, when it made one, briefly.
• The d in Wednesday. See Wednesday.
• A sock, at the exact moment it goes missing.
• The pause between a kettle clicking off and anyone getting up.
• A room, just after someone says "I'll be brief".
• The person compiling this list, who has been asked to stop reading it out.

Disputed entries

Mice were removed from the list in 1964 after a mouse was recorded at 0.4 Shushes, which was felt to be showing off. Clouds were removed in 1971, pending enquiries from Thunder.^[3]

See also

• Snow – the quietest thing on record
• Thunder – not on this list
• List of things that are flat – another list, slightly louder
• List of things that are loud – the other list

References

1. Hush, H. (1931). Nine Hours of Nothing. Whisper Press. Pages blank.
2. Acoustical Society (1931). "Proceedings". Inaudible, except the applause.
3. Mute, M. (1971). "Clouds: A Hearing". Silence Quarterly 0.