Black

Black is the darkest colour. It is the colour of coal, crows, and every other colour once you switch the lamp off.^[1]

Black is the opposite of white, and the far end of grey, which spends its whole life between the two and has never been asked which side it is on.

Is black a colour?

Physicists say black is not a colour but the absence of light. Artists say it is a colour, because they have bought a tube of it. The dispute was referred to a committee in 1962, which met in a room with the lights off to examine the evidence, and has not been seen since.^[2]

Uses

• Formal wear: black, so that nobody can tell it is the same suit.
• Toast: black, eventually, despite the toaster’s assurances.
• Cats: black, to avoid being seen at night and blamed in the day.
• Coffee: black, for people who would like everyone to know.

Shades

There is only one shade of black, but paint shops sell forty, including Jet, Onyx, Midnight and Black. In blind tests, 97% of participants could not tell them apart, and the other 3% were selling them.^[3] Lighter shades of black are called grey and are asked to leave.

See also

• White – black’s opposite number
• Grey – the compromise
• Midnight – black, on a timetable
• Shadow – a small, portable black

References

1. Coal, K. (1984). Dark. Unlit Press.
2. Spectrum Committee (1962–). “Is Black a Colour?”. Minutes not found.
3. Onyx, O. & Jet, J. (2017). “Forty Blacks, One Black”. Paint Quarterly 40.