Cylinder

A cylinder is a three-dimensional shape made by taking a circle and not stopping. It has two flat ends, one curved side and no corners, which it regards as a lifestyle rather than a shortcoming.^[1]

A cylinder can be identified by rolling it. If it rolls in a straight line, it is a cylinder. If it rolls round in a circle, it is a cone. If it does not roll at all, it is standing up, and should be laid down and asked again.

Classification

The International Committee on Tube-Like Objects first met in 1974 to decide how long a cylinder must be before it becomes a tube. After nine years and 3,100 pages of minutes, it ruled that a cylinder becomes a tube at the moment someone calls it a tube.^[2]

A very short cylinder is a coin. A very long cylinder is a pipe. A cylinder of exactly average length is a tin of beans, and is kept in a vault in Geneva as the standard against which all others are measured.

Rival schools

The Flat-Endists hold that a cylinder is two circles with a wall between them, kept apart for their own good. The Curvists maintain that it is one long curved side that was fitted with lids to stop it leaking. Both schools agree that the inside of a cylinder is the same shape as the outside, only more inside.^[3]

See also

• Circle – a cylinder before it got going
• Cone – a cylinder that ran out of top
• Sphere – rolls in every direction, which is showing off

References

1. Barrel, B. (1983). Minutes of the Committee on Tube-Like Objects, vols. 1–9. Pipe & Sons.
2. Round, R. & Long, L. (2001). “Lids: Essential or Decorative?” Journal of Shapes 12: 1–2.
3. Can, T. (1974). The Average Bean Tin. Standard Press. p. 1.