Sphere

A sphere is a perfectly round solid shape. It is a circle that has been told about the third dimension and taken it very well.^[1]

A sphere has no front. It has established this by facing every direction at once and finding, in each of them, the back of something else. Having eliminated every possible front, it concludes that it is all front, and therefore that it has no back either, which it finds restful.

Definition

Mathematically, a sphere is the set of all points at exactly the same distance from a centre. The centre is not part of the sphere and is not allowed to come out. Geometers describe this arrangement as "elegant"; the centre has not been asked.^[2]

Schools of thought

Since the 18th century, geometers have been divided over what a sphere fundamentally is. The Inflationist School holds that a sphere is a circle that has been blown up. The Rotationist School holds that it is a circle that has been spun round very fast and has not yet stopped.

A third school, the Practical School, holds that a sphere is a ball. It has never been invited to a conference, but is the only one of the three that has ever won a game of anything.

Notable spheres

• The Sun: very large, very hot, nearly a sphere.
• The Moon: also nearly a sphere, and more polite about it.
• A marble: a sphere that fits in a pocket and then, eventually, under a sofa.
• A cube: not a sphere, but included here so it does not feel left out.

See also

• Circle – a sphere seen from any angle
• Cube – a sphere with corners, i.e. not a sphere
• Oval – a sphere that was sat on

References

1. Orb, O. (1994). All the Way Round. Globe Press. Every page is p. 1.
2. Radius, R. (2008). "Is the Centre Happy?". Quarterly Journal of Inner Points 12.
3. Practical School (1789). "It Is a Ball". Pamphlet, single sentence.