Rainbow
Walking towards a rainbow moves it away by exactly the distance walked, so it is always one step further.
Weekend
The weekend is two days long and lasts about forty minutes, a discrepancy that has never been fixed.
Octagon
An octagon is a square that had its four corners sanded off, and now has eight of them.
Ceiling
A ceiling is the floor of the room upstairs, used upside down so that only flies walk on it.
Teal
Teal is blue to anyone who thinks it is green, and green to anyone who has just said it is blue.
Stalagmite
A stalagmite grows upward about a centimetre a century, and has no plans for when it gets there.
Bookshelf
A bookshelf stores books in order of how clever they make you look, not the order you read them.
Icicle
An icicle is water that started to drip, thought better of it halfway, and stayed where it was.
List of things that are cold
A list of cold things, chosen by touch: anything that made the tester say ‘ooh’ got in.
Drizzle
Drizzle is rain that hasn’t committed, and is called ‘not really raining’ by 94% of the people it soaks.