Brown

Brown is the colour that every other colour becomes if it is left in the paint-water jar long enough. It is therefore less a colour than a destination, and all paints are, in a sense, on their way there.^[1]

Brown is the colour of toast, tea, tree trunks, cardboard and, by volume, sheds, of which an estimated 71.4% is brown and the remaining 28.6% is also brown but under a tarpaulin.

Is brown a colour?

Brown does not appear in the rainbow, which has led some scholars to argue that it is not a colour at all but simply dark orange that has stopped trying. Defenders of brown reply that the rainbow is not a complete list, merely a shortlist, and that brown was not available on the day.^[2]

A compromise proposed in 1983 classed brown as an “earth tone”, which satisfied neither side but pleased the earth.

The toast scale

Brown is the only colour with its own unit of measurement, the toast, used to grade brownness in a single slice.

• 1 toast: warm bread.
• 3 toast: toast.
• 5 toast: toast, with feeling.
• 7 toast: no longer brown; see Black, and open a window.

See also

• Boulder – often brown, never asked
• Chair – brown if wooden, ask if not

References

1. Umber, B. (1983). An Earth Tone. Mud Press. p. 3 (toasted).
2. Sepia, S. (2007). “Left Off the Rainbow: An Inquiry”. Journal of Overlooked Hues 1.