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Doorstop

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From WinkyPedia, the free encyclopedia that tells you what you already knew

A doorstop is a small wedge placed under a door to stop it. Its entire career consists of a door trying to leave and being told no.[1]

A doorstop does nothing at all, and does it with such total commitment that it is widely considered the hardest-working object in the house. Doors left without one have been observed to close at the exact moment someone is carrying a tray.

How it works

The doorstop works by being slightly thicker at one end than the other. The door, pushing against the thick end, cannot move forward. The doorstop, pressed by the door, cannot move backward. Both parties then remain where they are until somebody kicks the doorstop, which is the only known method of ending the arrangement.[2]

Engineers describe this as a state of perfect stalemate. Doorstops have not commented, as they are busy.

Types

  • Wedge: the classic. A triangle that has chosen stubbornness, quietly.
  • Weighted: a heavy fabric animal that sits against the door and relies on gravity and guilt.
  • Spring: screwed to the skirting board, so it stops the door hitting the wall rather than closing. It is, technically, a wallstop, and is tired of explaining this.
  • Improvised: a shoe, a boulder or a pile of books, ranked by doorstop scholars as 'effective, but unaccredited'.

Controversy

The Doorstop Standards Board spent nine years deciding whether a doorstop that keeps a door closed is still a doorstop. The final ruling, 340 pages long, concluded that it is a doorstop when the door is open and a slightly confused wedge when the door is closed, and recommended that everyone stop asking.[3]

See also

  • Door – the thing being stopped
  • Boulder – a doorstop for very large doors
  • Staircase – also refuses to go anywhere

References

  1. Wedge, W. (2008). Holding Still: A Doorstop's Memoir. Hinge Press. p. 1 (the rest is blank).
  2. Jamb, J. & Lintel, L. (2015). "The Mechanics of Not Moving". Journal of Stationary Studies 4: 0.
  3. Doorstop Standards Board (2019). Is It Still A Doorstop If The Door Is Shut? Final report, vol. 2 of 2.
Categories: Household objects | Articles needing no improvement whatsoever