Tide

The tide is the sea going out and coming back in, twice a day, for reasons it has never explained. When asked where it goes, the tide simply returns about six hours later, wetter than ever, and changes the subject.^[1]

Tides are caused by the Moon pulling on the sea, a fact that has been known for centuries and that the sea has never acknowledged.

The Low Water Inquiry

In 1958 a coastal authority established a formal inquiry into where the sea goes at low tide. Investigators followed the water out across a mile of wet sand, filling in a form at every hundred yards. At the end of the sand they found the sea, which had been there the whole time, slightly further away.^[2]

The inquiry then waited for the sea to come back, which it did, over the investigators, the forms, and a folding table that is still listed as a missing asset.

Types

• High tide: the sea is in.
• Low tide: the sea is out, but not far, and watching.
• Spring tide: a larger tide, which happens in every season except, by coincidence, sometimes spring.
• Neap tide: a smaller tide, named after the sound it makes.

See also

• Water – what the tide is made of
• Gravity – the Moon's side of the argument
• Puddle – a tide that stayed behind
• Venice – a city that checks it daily

References

1. Ebb, F. (1960). Report of the Low Water Inquiry. Damp. pp. 1–6 (pp. 7–40 dissolved).
2. Shore, S. (1993). Back Again. Seaweed Books.
3. Lunar Liaison Office (2001). “Statement on Pulling”. No comment.