List of things that are soft

This is a list of things that are soft. Softness is measured by pressing a thing with a finger and seeing whether the finger wins. Things against which the finger loses are not soft, and are listed under Rock.^[1]

The finger is undefeated against pillows and has never once beaten a brick, giving it an overall record of exactly what you would expect.

Soft things

• Pillows: soft on both sides, cool on one.
• Kittens: soft, and aware of it.
• Butter: soft, except when you are trying to spread it.
• Clouds: look soft; on investigation, do not hold you up.
• Whispers: soft in volume; included on a technicality.
• Boiled eggs (soft): a sub-list of one.

Removed entries

Several items have been struck off on appeal. A peach was removed when its stone was discovered. A sofa was removed for “having springs in it, deliberately”. Bread was listed, delisted and relisted eleven times in a single week in 1998 while the committee waited to see what it would do.^[2]

Units

The standard unit of softness is the Pillow (P). One Pillow is the softness of one pillow. Anything measuring more than 2 P is classified as a duvet.

See also

• Pillow – the unit of measurement
• List of things that are quiet – the soft list’s softly spoken cousin
• Cloud – soft-looking; do not test
• Jellyfish – soft, but not for hugging

References

1. Knuckle, K. (2004). The Finger Always Wins, Unless. Brick Press. p. 1.
2. Softness Committee (1998). “Bread: Final Ruling (Draft 11)”.
3. Fluff, F. (2011). Pressing Matters. Cushion Press.