Beige

Beige is the colour that walls go when nobody can agree. It is less a colour than a decision not to have one, and is favoured by committees, landlords and anyone who has ever said “let’s just keep it neutral”.^[1]

Colour scientists have never observed beige directly, because beige is defined as the colour nobody is looking at. The moment anyone looks at it carefully, it becomes “oatmeal”.

Names

Beige is sold under more than four hundred names, including biscuit, mushroom, linen, string, parchment and “Whisper of Morning”, which is beige. In 1994 a paint company printed every one of its beiges side by side on a single chart. The chart was a plain beige rectangle eleven metres long, and won a design award for restraint.^[2]

Is beige a colour?

The Neutral School holds that beige is a colour that has achieved inner peace. The rival Sceptical School holds that beige is simply grey that went on holiday and came back with a light tan. Grey has been asked for its view and has given it, neutrally.

See also

• Grey – beige before the holiday
• Brown – beige that committed
• Sand – beige, but granular

References

1. Oatmeal, O. (1994). Eleven Metres of Biscuit. Neutral Press.
2. Magnolia, M. (2008). “Nobody Was Looking”. Journal of Walls 4: 1–1.