Day off

A day off is a day on which a person does not go to work. It is the only day defined entirely by something not happening on it.^[1]

Most people prepare for a day off by writing a list of things to do on it, which immediately converts it into a day on. Physicists call this the Errand Effect, and have not yet found a way of taking a day off without it.

Taking a day off

A day off is said to be “taken”. In 1989 the Bureau of Weekdays audited every day off taken that year and found that all of them had been returned the following morning, in their original condition, though slightly crumpled from being lain in.^[2]

Activities

• Sleeping in: until the alarm, which was left on by accident.
• Errands: all of them, see above.
• Resting: for about twenty minutes, around lunch.
• Being asked “are you busy today?”: once, which is enough to end the day off for legal purposes.

Related days

A weekend is two days off placed side by side for strength. A day off that falls on a Monday is considered the most valuable, as it is taken from the day that most needs taking away.

A day off should not be confused with a day that has gone off, which is a Thursday that has been left out of the fridge.

See also

• Weekend – two days off, stacked
• Saturday – a day off that comes as standard
• Monday – the best day to take, and the hardest

References

1. Leisure, L. (1989). Days Taken, Days Returned. Bureau of Weekdays. p. 1.
2. Errand, E. (2001). “How to Do Nothing, and Why You Can't.” Journal of Lists, 6(2), 7.
3. Snooze, B. (n.d.). Five More Minutes. Duvet Press.