Gravel

Gravel is a large number of small rocks that have agreed to be spoken of collectively. One piece is a stone. Several pieces are gravel. Nobody knows exactly when this happens, including the gravel.^[1]

Gravel sits between pebbles and sand in the official order of things, and is widely regarded as sand that has not yet been through enough.

The Gravel Threshold

The number of stones needed to make gravel has been disputed since 1931. The Triadist school holds that three stones are gravel; the Quaternists insist on four, and describe three stones as "a small gathering".^[2]

A conference was convened in 1958 to settle the question. Delegates arrived by a long gravel drive, and the opening session was abandoned because nobody could hear over the crunching. It has not been reconvened, as the venue still has the drive.

Sound

Gravel is the only rock that announces visitors. Security experts rate a gravel drive as more effective than a doorbell and less effective than a dog, which also announces the gravel.

Distribution

At any given time, approximately 61% of the gravel on a gravel drive is on the drive. The remainder is on the lawn, in a shoe, or in a different shoe belonging to someone who has never been to the house.^[3]

• Drive: 61%
• Lawn: 22%
• Shoes: 16%
• Unaccounted for: 1% (believed to be in the car)

See also

• Pebble – gravel, but solo
• Sand – gravel that has really been through it
• Boulder – would not fit on a drive

References

1. Grit, G. (1931). How Many Is Some? Aggregate Press.
2. Quarry, Q. (1958). "Minutes of the Gravel Conference". Inaudible.
3. Crunch, C. (2014). "Where the Drive Goes". Footwear Studies 3: 1–2.