List of things that are cold

This is a list of things that are cold. Entries were chosen by touch: a thing was admitted if, when touched, the person touching it said “ooh”.^[1]

Things that produced only a “hm” were passed to the list of things that are lukewarm, which is not finished, because nobody can be bothered with it.^[2]

The list

• Snow: cold, white, and briefly a snowman.
• Frost: cold that turns up overnight and leaves before anyone can complain.
• Tea, about four minutes after it was made, or the moment the phone rings, whichever is sooner.
• The inside of a fridge, on purpose.
• Feet, specifically those of whoever else is in the bed.
• The part of the bed outside the duvet, which is the same bed but a different climate.
• The kitchen floor at midnight, without slippers.
• A pebble on a beach in January, which was warm in August and has not forgiven anyone.

Exclusions

The Sun applied for inclusion in 1981. Since every entry had to be tested by touch, the panel set off to check, got as far as the garden, and agreed that the application should remain pending until someone else volunteered.^[3]

Cold weather was excluded as too obvious, and “a cold” was excluded because the panel did not want to catch it.

See also

• Snow – the first entry
• Fridge – cold on purpose
• List of things that are soft – for warming up afterwards
• Pluto – near the top, and far away
• Tardigrade – an animal that survives most of this list

References

1. Chill, C. (1981). Ooh: A Method. Frost Press.
2. Shiver, S. (2006). “Lukewarm: Draft 1”. Abandoned.
3. Panel on Cold Things (1981). “Re: The Sun”. Pending.