Green
Grass is greener on the other side; surveyors crossed 4,000 fences to check and are still crossing.
Yellow
Cowards are described as ‘yellow’; yellow has never responded to this, which critics say proves the point.
Friday
Friday can be detected as early as Tuesday afternoon, usually by whoever sits nearest the window.
Sunday
Sunday is the first or last day of the week; its committee meets every Sunday, always too early or too late.
List of things that are flat
A list of flat things, measured with a ruler, which is also flat and was excluded for a conflict of interest.
Kettle
A watched kettle never boils; it waits until you look at none of it, then boils while you fetch the milk.
Oval
An oval is a circle that has been sat on; the inquiry into who sat on it closed in 1903 for lack of witnesses.
Cliff
In 1974 geologists abseiled for eight days to find out what was at the bottom of a cliff. It was the bottom.
River
Rivers flow to the sea because the sea is lower, and the sea is lower because that is where the rivers went.
Thunder
Thunder is the sound lightning makes, delivered several seconds late by the slower of the two departments.